"My kid is acting just like my ex!" Is one of the family acting like an abusive family member who is no longer in the home? I heard a psychologist say that when one family member leaves the nuclear family unit (through death, divorce or some other reason), that someone else in the family will begin imitating that person's role, so that things will 'feel the same'. Not because they liked it, but just because people uncounsciously want things to feel the same. If you had a previous family member who was abusive, and now is gone from the home, it might explain why suddenly your child might be acting just like the departed family member. But whatever the case, you must let your child know that these behaviors are unacceptable, regardless of whom they saw doing it.
The point is that whatever people experience in life will become part of them. If you don't want them to be something, you need to limit their exposure to it, whether it's on TV or real life.
---> Try this technique: if someone is verbally abusive, whether child, spouse, WHO ever it is- walk out of the room as you say politely,
"I'm sorry, but I can't talk with you while you're acting like that".
What are they going to say to you for leaving the room? Are they going to say,
"Come back so I can yell at you some more?"
If it is an older child or spouse threatening you, you can answer, "Shall I call the police, then, and let them decide if what you're doing is wrong?" If you really are afraid for your safety, don't say anything. Just leave the room and call 911 or the emergency number you are assigned for your area in the world. Don't let yourself become a victim.
Since our primary relationship with the world comes through relating - to REAL PEOPLE, we learn to be much smarter about the REAL world through REAL LIFE, not TV, anyway.
Though all kids love TV and Video games, the harmful effects of too much too early in life are well documented. Candy is fun, too, but it has no real nutritional value and too much can cause them to turn into monsters (have you noticed that, too?).
Many parents use TV as a fast solution to keep them busy so they can get things done, but child health expert Dr. Ari Brown says,
Look up "harmful effects of TV on young children" on google.
If bad examples of how to behave are walking through your door through the TV, then CLOSE THAT DOOR!You're in charge! So don't let the TV be the boss of YOU!
Use TV selectively, as an educational tool or a reward for work done with programs YOU have chosen, or approve of. If you limit it to no more than a half hour at a time there is more opportunity to emotionally process what was seen, and to be able to allow their young brains to analyze it objectively.
When your kids DO watch, check what they are watching! Comment on the things you see - is it teaching untruths? Use the time as a teaching tool to explain to your children so they will not fall for the subtle manipulation of the movie makers or advertisers. And OBSERVE! Observe the reactions in your kids after they watch TV. Do they emulate the behaviors they have seen? There's proof right there! Tell them when you see them imitating something you don't approve of, and let them know in no uncertain terms that though they saw it on TV, it is NOT good, and you will NOT allow them to watch programs like that again, since it was bad for them.
I remember watching KING KONG (the Black & White version) on TV when I was around 10. I hid under the table so my mom wouldn't stop me from watching. But she saw me, and said I couldn't watch it because it was too scary and would get bad dreams. But I begged and pleaded, and PROMISED I wouldn't have bad dreams. And she let me watch it. But sure enough, I DID have REALLY bad dreams that night! And I learned a lesson - that kids are not old enough to know what they can and can't process yet. So you have to protect them.
"DON'T CALL ME 'STUPID'! "
The renowned child psychologist, Dr. James Dobson, who wrote DARE TO DISCIPLINE shares how a parent must lay down some rules that children must never cross, and one of them was about never using name-calling, like "stupid". Kids NEED to know that YOU'RE in charge, and not them. At the time when my firstborn daughter was 3 years old ruling the roost bossing me around, HIS BOOK SAVED MY LIFE! I was afraid of 'hurting' her psychologically by spanking her, but I needed to take charge somehow, and Dr. Dobson's book showed me exactly how to do that with positive alternatives to spanking. That's how I came to develop the techniques in my GoMommyGO®program.
In my experience there are many ways to get your point across without spanking. I seem to remember my mother being very firm with us kids, without ever hitting us. First of all, she was bigger, and could sound autoritative as she declared,
"I have been around on this earth a long time and know a lot more than YOU do, and I can tell you right now you're never going to get anywhere in life with that type of behavior!"
She helped me see that perhaps I was in the wrong. Then she would lecture us about life (but not hit us), explain how to behave, and let us know what would happen if we did it again (loss of privilgeges, no TV, playing outside, etc).
I started this website to share tools that help with behavior issues. Many people helped me when I needed it and I couldn't have done it without them. We all help each other and that's what I'm trying to do to pass it on. So please don't give up on yourself, your kid - OR your SPOUSE! THEY were once a little kid too. Persistence is the key to success in anything, and since nobody is perfect, please give them a chance. No matter how hard we try, we are all 'fix up projects'! Improvement takes time and effort. And FORGIVENESS! We ALL need THAT. Your relationships are worth holding on to as long as you are not being abused.